I have always tried to restrain from writing on Orji Kalu, a former Abia State governor. But who can ignore his laughable new ambition. He wants to be FIFA boss. I laugh even as I pen these words. What struck me first was a conversation he had with editors when somebody asked him about his educational qualifications.
“We are talking about forwarding Abia to all forwardness,” he said with a flourish, “and you are talking about cerfiticate (sic).” Is this the sort of literacy you want for Nigeria? Nada. In local parlance, we should say he has committed foul, or “fa-fa-fa foul!!”
Not long ago, he embarked on a nationwide trip from state to state, visiting governors. It was more of ego trip. He was jobless and bored, although boorish. He was, however, not boring because of his disastrous elocution and capacity to amuse after he had left the scene of his performance. Never mind that he writes a column. I would want him to write that column in public, so we can know if he is capable of the literacy he poses.
Only a Kalu could have encouraged a headline last Saturday saying that Asiwaju Tinubu was under surveillance for a plot against Buhari. Publishers like him make editors look unprofessional.
The story did not pass Journalism 101 test. If there was surveillance, what was the nature? The man was not even around? Two, if there was a plot, what was the nature of the plot, to overthrow him as President – which is treason; or to unseat him in APC? When a man does not know the difference between verb and noun, how can he become a good boss of world football? How can he distinguish score as verb and as noun? No one will vote him boss of Southeast soccer. It is enough that Ochendo has made him a mouse in Abia State, so he dreams to be an elephant of world football. What megalomania!